In Defense of the Mormon Housewife
I read this article the other day entitled “Why I Can’t Stop Reading Mormon Housewife Blogs.”
It was an article written by a twenty-something atheist with a post-grad degree whose guilty pleasure is reading blogs written by Mormon housewives.
The ‘perfection’ and happiness of our lives is appealing her.
And reading the responses was nothing but depressing to me, being a Mormon Housewife.
First of all, people are so misinformed about the the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
If you are not Mormon, you may have heard a thing or two from various sources. But I encourage you, if you have any interest in finding out what we really believe, to get your facts from the horses mouth. Please visit the websites www.mormon.com and www.lds.org.
All other sources I think may be unreliable.
I’m not blogging to preach about my faith in my church. I am not part of some intricate advertising scheme to convert people to our religion by promising some shiny, happy life of perfection.
I blog because I enjoy it.
I enjoy having a place where I can share my creations with others who share my affinity for crafting and sewing. I enjoy having an outlet where I can form friendships and bonds with you, my wonderful and faithful readers.
And you know that I have never condemned others who do not believe as I do or have not tried to shove my beliefs down your throat.
The truth is that I absolutely love my church.
And I will always stand up for it and encourage others to check it out if they are interested.
And I have certain beliefs that I’m positive not all of you agree with. But that’s fine with me, my beliefs are my right, just as yours are your right.
We can and should still be friends.
{{One more thing about my church, I just have to clear this up if there are any of you out there who may be confused: Mormons are Christians. We believe that Jesus Christ was not a prophet, he was the son of God who suffered and died for our sins and only through Him can we be redeemed and resurrected in the after life.}}
Moving on…
In defense of the shiny, happy Mormon housewives: my life is FAR from perfect. And I’m positive you all know this, cuz you know I’m kind of a complainer. 🙂
I do not look perfect.
I am at least ten pounds overweight.
My hair is thin and flat and in need of a trim.
My clothes are cheap and/or purchased second-hand.
I don’t need to go off about my apartment (and the dumb broken microwave handle that maintenance refuses to fix!)
I yell at my kids sometimes. Sometimes a lot. I’m often impatient.
And sometimes the TV is on for more than one half-hour show (or two, or three, or four…)
My mom and sisters live far away from me, in other states.
And I think that even if we lived on the same block we’d still see each other once a week.
My house is FREQUENTLY covered in toys and cracker crumbs.
I bake like twice a year.
I spend too many evenings lounging on the couch on my computer and watching TV. And not every TV show I watch is, how shall I say this…appropriate.
I have definitely said some swear words in my life. I think that your cell phone falling in the toilet can warrant that.
Sorry, Mom.
I complain about my church duties…a little too much at times.
And my husband is not so much the kind of guy to leave sweet little love notes on the mirror.
Our lives are far from perfect.
But guess what?
I am happy. Despite the little hiccups in my life.
And is it wrong that I, as a Mormon housewife, should want to focus on the happy parts of life? Believe me, I don’t tend to do that.
But if I don’t remember my many blessings on a daily basis, the crappy parts of life can easily defeat me.
My faith in God and my gratitude towards Him is the anchor to my life, as I know it is for many other Mormon housewives.
And remember my job? I just quit it because I WANTED to.
Because I wanted to have more time for my adorable little monsters.
I WANT to have more time to fold laundry and do the dishes.
That sounds crazy and anti-feminist, but seriously, I hate it when my house is falling apart. It gives me stress, it gives my husband stress, and life sucks.
I WANT to have more time to just sit and think of ways to make my husband happier. Now that sounds seriously 1950’s housewife, I know. But I am free to feel that way, and I love my husband and want to make him happy, so thhhbbbtt!
That’s the beauty of my life, and I know so many people don’t have the choice of quitting their jobs to stay home with their families. Or don’t want to. And that’s fine.
I don’t have to worry about you.
You will be fine.
and so will I.
I know there are some women out there who strive very hard to outwardly appear to be perfect. But come on, don’t let those people represent all of us. I want to be honest with you, and I always feel that I have.
Holy rock on Heidi! I'm with ya all the way! I would guess most of my readers don't even know I'm LDS. While it's a huge part of my life and who I am, I don't want to cram it down anyone's throat and I don't want to be defined by it.
High five for standing up for how normal we are. LOVE IT!
I haven't read that article, but must admit that most of the craft blogs I follow are all written by Mormon women, or some other Christian denomination. I don't know why it works out that way, it just does! My friend, who's Orthodox Jewish, once asked me, "why can't I stop reading blogs from all these 'I love Jesus' women?" *hope that's not offensive, that's just what she said. She said it lightheartedly and jokingly, of course. I'm a Muslim woman so I know EXACTLY what it's like to have people believe misconceptions about you and your faith (in fact, I've had complete strangers throw things at me in public) so yeah…I feel you. I would say many people don't even know that we LOVE Jesus Christ and believe in his immaculate conception.
Anywho.
I love all my Mormon blogger friends, and whoever else I read regardless of faith 🙂
Heidi, I love your blog and I love your honesty. I have to say that I used to be one of the people that had wrong impressions of Mormons. Thank the Lord above I am no longer ignorant!
My brother is Mormon. He converted about 2 years ago. My SIL is Mormon and her whole family is as well. They have really helped me understand what they believe and they never look at me as an outsider because I am Baptist. I have to say that I was a proud mama bear when he was baptized and became a member of the church. Our mother would have been proud had she lived long enough to see it.
My SIL told me that she was not surprised that so many crafty blogs were members of the Mormon church. I asked her why that was and she said that women are encouraged to be crafty. I think that is wonderful!
Anywho, sorry for the ramblings. Just wanted to say that you are right and I enjoy all my fellow crafty mamas/papas out there!
Right on Heidi! I totally agree with you! My life is FAR from perfect! I guess others might think that we are "perfect" because we are happy with our lives even though they aren't perfect.
love this post. love the honesty.
be who you want to be, in your life and in the blogland. no need to explain or apologize to those who do not understand. no need to feel bad about what others think about you. that is their problem.
Oh my gosh…the phone falling in the toilet cracked me up! I too have had to experience that…and oh yes, did an inappropriate word (or two) come out!
I agree with you that people need to all stop judging and leaving stupid comments telling others why their beliefs are "wrong".
Although I am not Mormon, I too believe in Jesus Christ and I believe that God sent His only Son to die for my sins and the sins of this world, if we will accept Him and believe Him. It makes me sad when people get into the war of words about beliefs. Jesus did not come here and yell at everyone and tell them they are ignorant or stupid to not believe in His Father. He came here to save, to love, to heal, and to restore.
I agree with you that it was my CHOICE to stay at home with my child and not a day goes by that I am not grateful to God and my husband to be able to do that. It's sad that there is not more value put on raising our children. They are pushed aside because a career is given more value. I am all about having a job and career that someone is proud of…but do not put down someone who chooses to stay home and invest in this country's future. We all have a part to play. Not everyone can (or wants to) do the same role. That's the miracle of humanity. God did not make one single person alike.
Whew! Thanks for sharing a piece of you:) I am SO in the same "non perfect" boat! The best thing I have done for myself is to realize that it can't and won't be perfect. There is no such thing and I will waste valuable time trying to obtain fiction.
I'm sorry you found a horrible article that upset you. I'm not going to read it, because I'm sure it will upset me, too. I know it feels like we are under attack so much of the time. I usually try not to respond to stuff like that. I think that's what people who write that stuff want. But I found your response very appropriate, and I can identify with so much of it. I try to focus on the positive in my blogging most of the time (though I can be a complainer too) because I don't want to dwell on the bad things in life. I don't omit my problems from blogging because I want people to think I'm perfect.
Hi Heidi, I'm following your blog, because I like the way you write, and the things you get up to. You write and do interesting things. So nothing to do with religion at all. People from all over the world connect because the have similar hobbies and ideas and it is just wrong to generalize.. be it with religion, skin colour or otherwise. I am sure that if you had set up a blog with intention to spread the word, you would have done so and made that your main focus. I so agree with you that we all should leave everyone in their own right and able to make their own decisions. I read the article, though not all the (323!) comments. From the article I think that just because a lot of crafty blogs these people find are written by mormon women, they get a certain idea of what they think it is like to be a mormon housewife. Which they don't! I am sure that across the board of mormon families, you will find the same issues as non mormon families (running out of milk, words with the husband/wife..who can be picture postcard all the time?) but that is life. For all of us. It is the importance members of the mormon faith put on family that is so appealing to these women looking in. Who would not want a family member looking in with a warm applepie (lol… that'd be on one of those two occassions you bake a year) and some comforting words when they feel down? I too have a lot of mormon friends. Not because they are mormon, but because they like quilting and have a lot of the same experience and values I do. Nobody is perfect. It's just nice to keep trying to do the best you can!
Sorry for my gramatical errors in advance, im typing this from my phone but I just had to comment. Im not a mormon, I prefer not to classify myself with a name but I do believe a lot of the same things as mormons do. I love your blog and any other lds blogs. I really think its a great thing. I think ppl think these women of these blogs r trying to show perfection… But I think they r really exemplifying fruits of the spirit. Doing the things u love and blogging about it doesnt make you some freakish religious perfect person. I quit my job to "perfect" my job as a wife and a mother. Like u I very much enjoy thinking of ways to make my husband and my family happier. I love my job as a sahm and if that puts me in the 1950s then we can b there together! 🙂
It's so random but I was just saying to my husband the other day, "You know I think Mormons are really tech savvy" and I went on to tell him how all my favorite blogs seem to be written by Mormons. I did ponder what drew me to these blogs. To me, Mormons all SEEM to be attractive with adorable kids, great fashion-sense, and major craft skill. I thought, maybe it's that healthy mountain air in UT and the optimism and positivity in their mission that produces "beautiful people." I'm also aware that I do not know ALL Mormons and not everyone fits this stereotype of mine.
I'm not Mormon, but I know that I have a lot in common with these women. And they also inspire me on a daily basis to be a better wife and mother (and crafter!). I disagree with a lot in that article. I think real feminism is having the freedom to embrace whatever path you want as a woman. Not disparaging the choice to stay in the home and raise a family.
*I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my Mormon steroetypes. I'm Roman Catholic, and I already know the stereotypes people have about us! Somehow the stereotype of "attractive and perfect" doesn't seem so bad to me!
As a Mormon, I found the article fairly humorous and fascinating. I have also noticed that a lot of successful blogs are by Mormon mommies and I think it's because we can only handle so much negativity in our lives…the Mormon mommy blogs I read provide uplifting stories and ideas and it draws people in.
oh my gosh, what a great post! Totally agree with what you have said. I am Catholic & live in southern GA (need I say more??). My faith is constantly misunderstood & misrepresented. My personal fave – we worship Mary & other saints. Um, no.
When it comes right down to it, the majority of faiths have the same goal – love God, live by His Word. We all may approach it a little differently but we're all trying to live a good life (well, most of us anyway!)
Love your blog & thanks for being 'real'. I've found that I've had to stop reading all of the 'fake' blogs…they give me a headache being all perfect & such! hehe
I am a Mormon mommy to three kids, four and under. I read several blogs, that I presume are written by other Mormon mommies. I must admit that as I read them I wonder where they find enough time in the day to: craft, bake, sew, clean, take care of their children including homeschooling them, photograph them and blog about it; as well as, craft, sew, and take pictures for others! (I realize that not everyone does all these things, but it sure seems like some try to.)
It does make me feel somewhat inadequate, believing that others can do it, but I can't. At the same time, I realize that I only see a little snapshot of the part of their life that they are willing to share.
When you announced that you would be closing your shop so that you could take better care of your children and home, I felt relieved that you were willing to admit that it's too hard to do it all and that it's okay not to. I hope that it doesn't seem like I find happiness in you having to close your shop. It's not that at all. I find happiness in knowing that you were wise enough to put first things first.
All the best to you! I enjoy reading your blog.
I enjoy your blog, too. I'm not Mormon but as a Christian I admire the close-knit family values that are so important to you. And I've noticed that when I actually make a point to come up with ways to make my husband happy, guess what? It rubs off on me and I'm happy too. And as a fellow stay-at-home mom, bloggers like you are an inspiration to me! :o)
I wish we could be real life friends, guess we'll just be blog friends for now.
Thanks for putting it all our there. Love reading your blog, and I love that you'll share your triumphs and your faults with us.
Not Mormon, but I read a lot of mormon housewives' blogs, too, and I love them! I know you're not perfect! I'm not either. But I am trying, and learning a lot from my Mormon bloggy friends. So keep writing!
Thanks for your great words! My sentiments exactly.
Lindsay
I love everything you just said.
And I'm not LDS.
And I work full time.
And I have just one child.
Which would cause some to think that we are radically different. But we're not. We're both women who love our lives, even though life is not always perfect.
Thank you! : )
Great post! I'm so far off the 'norm,' but even I know that if people blogged about all the crappy parts of their life, it would suck, and no one would want to read it.
No matter how little sleep I've had, or how horrible a mood I'm in, when someone asks me how I'm doing I say (with a smile) "darn skippy!" Because, if you say it enough, it will come true, and my days at work (and home) always seem to end better that way!
Perfect, Heidi!
I'm an LDS SAHM crafter who wishes she had the techno-savvy to blog and the time and energy to do it! And I didn't read the notorious article, but I can imagine. Just had to tell ya, that if I DID have a blog, I would have written exactly the same thing. Love ya, and keep up your inspiring, yet real-life blogging!
No apologies necessary for being happy! I'm all for emphasizing the positive parts of life with a few concessions to our imperfections, just in case anyone should get the wrong impression. It's so easy to get sucked into a negative mood–you already know I'm a complainer too! But really, there is so much to be happy and grateful about. I've thought about doing a blog that helps me do that more but so far it hasn't happened. Maybe someday.
Okay, so I broke down and read the article. I have to say, I didn't find it to be THAT offensive. The writer seemed to do a good job of including quite a bit of truth, showing both sides of the issue. And I think the stuff about baking all day long is quite clearly hyperbole.
But I still enjoyed your thoughts about your (which I share) lack of perfection.
I am still a relatively new follower but I have a bunch of respect for you based off of this post. I am not Mormon and have noticed a lot of blogs I follow are LDS but it was just an interesting tidbit of info I noticed, my prerequisite to follow a blog is crafty ideas and an interesting writing style, you surely fit the bill!
I just want to say that my admiration for you knows no bounds–this is the first time I've ever seen "thhhbbbtt!" written out, and it's just perfect. That, right there, is talent.
I am so glad I found this post! I am a Mormon stay at home Mom of 3. I read the article and I thought it was fun.
The comments however gave me a horrible stomache ache the rest of the day. I do not understand how people can have so much hate towards the Mormons. It seemed like everyone who commented that actually knew a Mormon had something positive to say, while those who were being hateful seemed to know nothing about us. I can tell you one thing Mormons are not, and that is Hateful. People all over the world believe in different things and that is GREAT. Let's respect eachother for it. Thank you for responding to the article it is soooo refreshing to read some POSITIVE comments.
I read the article. I thought it was pretty interesting how she was apparently mystified by how much happiness believing in God can bring to one's life, even though she didn't say as much. It's as if she was doubting her own atheistic testimony. Ironic that she notes the cynicism prevalent among so many atheists and strangely absent among their counterparts, and yet some religious leader of late has already described us believers as somehow able to miss that same "premature cynicism." Gee, you don't suppose that could have something to do with the fact that we believe in God, and you don't, do you? Or with the fact that by not believing, you have defined your life as purposeless? Why else would you say "the modern world doesn't offer much of a road map?"
Ultimately, as you've said in this blog reply, we are happy because we believe in God. Sure we may specify that this or that particular thing is really what made us happy, but behind any one of those things is the belief in God, without which all these things would actually be tainted with that aforementioned cynicism. In fact, despite so much media propaganda to the contrary, with which she has been inundated apparently from birth, being happy is actually the result of wholeheartedly believing in God. Not only that, it's the very object and design of our existence.
I'm going to add my two cents, buried in the explosive popularity of this post and your blog in general. I found that article when you posted about it on Facebook. I read the article, as well as the response by Nat the Fat Rat (or something like that) and I have to disagree that hers was better, as you suggested. She's definitely a talented writer, but I found myself needing to re-read some of the sentences to understand them, they were so complicated.
I once had a professor get so ticked off at some students trying to sound sophisticated by using big words that he assigned us a two-page essay on some topic and we were not allowed to use words bigger than two syllables. He was trying to make our writing and speech more accessible to more people. I find that your blog entry is much more enjoyable to read than the other one because you stick to a simpler way of writing, which makes it more conversational and I think way more appropriate for this forum. Your message was much more clear because of your writing style. And AWESOME.
How funny that we are all so different and yet all so similar. I think Mormon mommies, Catholic mommies, Methodist Mommies… it seems that our faith helps us be happy and in turn makes those around us happier. I am sad for the people who believe in nothing and therefor have nothing to compare. It makes for a rather sad person who tries to judge with no understanding of that which they are passing judgement on. Just another reason to be grateful for the gifts we have been given. I do not feel that one is "cramming religion" if you mention it on your blog. Does anyone accuse you of "cramming" crafts. No, and yet your projects are featured far more prominently than your faith. So pooey to that notion also. A blog is sharing all of who you are.
Love your site!! Love your honesty. Thanks for everything you share with us (your readers), it’s funny that you say some of the things you do because you are such an inspiration to me and I find myself really wishing I could sew better or stay home with my kidos…so all those times you feel crummy please remember that others look up to you too!!
I love your faith in the church…I am LDS, but most would probably call me a “jack mormon” because I don’t go on a regular basis…like…twice a year…and usually on F&T because it’s my favorite 🙁 But I do believe in the church and I enjoy reading about others faith, I think it helps me be stronger…anyway…THANKS!
Mormon woman’s lives are very hard. It’s challenging to always follow the words of wisdom and try to incorporate the lord into every inch of your life. We tend to want to be human with real problems while living in a bad world. To be Mormon puts the lord first in your life above all other things. The closeness you have with him trickles down into everything you think and do. The hard part is finding a mate that will live by the same standard as you. Always striving to learn what you were sent here to learn and do. To do your best so you can achieve the Celestial Kingdom where families are eternal. But, I have seen many flaw like depression, alcoholism, pill popping and hidden lives. Many Mormons put on one face for neighbors and the community, while having a secret life of some kind, maybe smoking, drinking, sex addiction or cheating. They are under more pressure than the normal person because of their beliefs. And look at life like its not theirs it belongs to the lord. Anyway, they are very sheltered and nieve people who stay childlike in regards to their emotional maturity level. To look at the men you would say they look like they are all gay and have forfeited their manhood. The woman are backs tanners and have a jealous eye for one another’s life. It’s a constant competition for who looks better. And forget it if your not married by 18, your an old maid.
I enjoyed this piece. Bear in mind many women who came out in criticism are envious.