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Strange Problems: My Natural Frown

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I have this really weird problem.
It’s not a huge issue now, but it’s been a real problem in the past and it’s something that I’m sure I will be dealing with the rest of my life.
I like to call it my “natural frown.”

Natural Frown:  When a person’s neutral facial expression is misinterpreted to be angry, unhappy, irritated, snobby, or stuck up.

Stick with me to hear the rest of the story…

I have a naturally serious face.  Almost like a frown.  I don’t really see it, but my entire life people have constantly been telling me to smile, which, by the way, is super annoying.  Why do I have to smile just because someone looks at me and assumes I’m unhappy?  Or stuck up?

When I was a young kid, I was sitting in this piano recital, listening to the music.  My legs were stretched out in front of me and I was just listening, not really thinking about anything…except why these three girls kept giggling and whispering in my direction.  Later I found out they were laughing at me because they thought I was trying to be a ‘model’ by sitting all fancy or something.  I blame this on my perma-frown since this was probably one of those instances where I was appearing snobby.

At my first real job my boss’s husband would come into the shop and constantly ask me what was wrong or tell me to smile.

When I was a hostess at TGIFriday’s, my boss took me aside IN HIS OFFICE to ask me why I was SO unhappy at work.  I was totally fine working there!  I thought I smiled at the customers a reasonable amount.  I went home and cried about how I was always being punished for being my normal self.  After that I had to actually think of funny things to prompt myself to smile all. the. time.  

My waitress job at a Chinese restaurant was freaking awesome because my Taiwanese boss didn’t give a crap if I smiled at anyone.  {Just a sidebar there.}

My waitress job at Wingers…my boss once said to me, “Heidi, I’ve been trying to cheer you up since you started working here.”

High school friends have told me that in high school that always thought I was a little stuck-up when I didn’t say hi to them in the hall (you know how sometimes you don’t think someone knows you well enough so you don’t say hi?)

And even still today people have admitted to being intimidated by me before they knew me.  (That really does sound snobby, I know.)  But seriously, I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable around me!  Most people just think that I’m quiet or reserved.  But as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten a lot better at being chatty and smiley…but that only translates if that’s my purpose.  I’m not going to go around with a giant fake smile plastered on my face all the time.  

 I’m really not an unhappy or snobby person, yet because I don’t smile every second, people assume that I am.   And most of the people in my own family have this problem too…we call it the Broadbent frown (my mom’s maiden name.)  But it’s good to know we’re not alone…I love this article that talks about the same problem.  

{Am I passing the Natural Frown onto my kids?}

So if you ever meet me in real life, push past your first inclination to avoid me because I look angry or stuck up.

I promise to be nice to you.

And not growl too much.  
blog sig

78 Comments

  1. I have a similar "natural frown." The other day I was in a museum, by myself, and someone working stopped me and said, "Can I help you? Why do you look so afraid?"

    Uh, no. I'm just thinking, I guess…thanks.

    Several people have told me that they thought I was stuck up when they first met me. My natural face is just kind of neutral/leaning towards frowning, and I'm a quiet person. Eventually I guess I got used to it, and it doesn't come up much anymore…except with instances like the museum lady, which always catch me off guard. Anyway…I can relate!

    Reply

  2. I could have written this myself! I worked at McDonald's,my manager pulled me into her office because a customer had called complaining about me! She asked if everything was okay…um yeah! I'm super shy, and have that whole natural face thing going on! Lol

    Thanks for a great post, just last week, I posted something about it on fb. I didn't say it as nice as you though! It was more like, "here's an idea, get to know me, even if it's been awhile, I'm shy, not stuck up…usually."

    Reply

  3. I always have to concentrate on not crossing my arms all the time, because then my friends think i'm annoyed or angry. Any candid shots of me when I'm just being neutral make me look bored or tired…not much better than angry, i have to say. :o)

    And it seems worse to just plaster a smile on your face all the time…just be yourself!

    Reply
  4. CountryBelle says:

    You are not alone, I too have the natural frown. I really try when I'm out to lift the corners of my mouth into a semi smile, just because 😉

    Reply
    1. Jennifer Inman says:

      I do the same thing. Sometimes people say ‘what are you so happy about?’ we sad faces just can’t win sometimes.

      Reply
  5. cehendricks says:

    I know exctly what you are talking about. Glad to know that I am not the only one.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    I know how you feel. I tend to have the default frown face too. I've also heard Victoria Beckham say in an interview that she has it as well. Makes you wonder how many other people walking around have to deal with it also.

    Reply
  7. banclothing says:

    I used to have the natural frown but during years of ballet training I was told I look really 'pissed off' all the time and if I wanted to become a professional no one wants to watch a pissed off ballerina. I had to make a effort to lift my cheeks so my mouth could be a neutral position. After practicing it for so many years I now do it subconciously so I don't automatic frown. I think it's a learned behaviour and can be changed. Who wants to go through life looking pissed and unapproachable?

    Reply
  8. Quilter in the Gap says:

    You are not alone…I am the same way. I am not a chatty person and people call me snobby too. Drives me insane! and people also say they are intimidated by me because they say I have a "strong" personality. How is that possible if I am not "chatty". Go figure! I am 41 now and have decided I am who God made me and ask long as I am not mean and am friendly when spoken to or speaking to someone then I am OK. Oh well. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  9. Andrea Campbell says:

    I never thought you were a snob! 😉

    Reply

  10. I have the same thing! Even when I pass by someone and give them the partial grin it looks like I'm not doing anything. Oh well, those I care about and who care about me know the real deal :[ (hehe, that's my take on "my" grin, I couldn't help myself!)

    Shelley
    http://www.westermanfam.blogspot.com

    Reply
  11. mktgaggie05 says:

    First off, I love your blog!

    I feel like I could have written this exact post! Thanks for sharing – I'm not alone!!! I will probably post a link to this on my own blog, if that's alright.

    Hope you have a great weekend!

    Reply
  12. Derek, Laura, Peyson and Ainslee says:

    LOVE IT! me too with everything. hate(d) it. don't really care anymore.
    though i am also on the other end…feeling intimidated by others who are the same way:) silly hu?

    Reply
  13. Crystal T. says:

    I have the same problem! I come across looking annoyed and superior. When I had my most recent drivers license photo taken I remember standing there making a peaceful smile. In the photo I look like I'm sending daggers from my eyes into the viewer….The guy working there had no sympathy and gave me no retake option.
    I feel your pain!

    Reply
  14. Erin Marie says:

    I'm a total natural frown-er. I try to "smile and people will wonder what you're thinking" but it's usually just a little smile and I think it just brings my face to "neutral" rather than happy.

    Reply

  15. Thanks for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. I totally agree that you should be yourself, those that matter will push past and see you for the person you are. Fake is not a fix.

    Reply
  16. Vanessa Goertzen says:

    I think many people suffer from the "natural frown" disease. I do it a lot. When I was a bank teller, they posted these tiny mirrors on the corner of our computer monitors so we could see ourselves and remember to smile. Ha!

    Reply
  17. aweekfromthursday says:

    I like it when bloggers talk about stuff like this. People think I always look bored. I must have a bored face.

    -heidi

    <a href="www.aweekfromthursday.wordpress.com>A week from thursday</a>

    Reply
  18. aweekfromthursday says:

    I like it when bloggers talk about stuff like this. People think I always look bored. I must have a bored face.

    -heidi

    <a href="www.aweekfromthursday.wordpress.com>A week from thursday</a>

    Reply
  19. Michelle Whitlow says:

    I'm right there with ya! I heard those kind of comments ALL the time. Not so much anymore. For one, I just don't care what people think anymore. But two, I think I do laugh a lot more & I'm louder (I was a little more shy back then) so maybe my natural frown doesn't show through as much anymore. Funny I hadn't thought about that in a while!

    Reply

  20. Hi! I'm Deanna. I'm 'new' to your blog. I had someone recommend it for your AWESOME ETSY and BLOG tutorials. So I just wanted to wave and tell you that you're gorgeous. (is that creepy coming from a complete stranger? LOL)

    I also have a natural frown. I totally get "what's wrong? aren't you happy today?" All. The. Time.

    Anyway, just wanted to comment, so I'm not a lurker. LOL!

    Reply

  21. OMG! I have the same problem. People are always asking me if I'm ok (even my hubby!) because I look like I'm mad. And I've definitely passed it on to my kids, they are already getting the comments and questions at 3 years old and 1 year old.

    Reply

  22. You are so not alone. Everyone tells me they thought I was a giant gritch before they actually met me. I am actually an extremely positive person. I decided a long time ago that if you think you know me at a glance you are way too shallow to be my friend anyways. And I NEVER tell anyone to smile I just give them one of mine- most of the time they return it!

    Reply
  23. Nina @ Momma Go Round says:

    Dude, I'm the same! I have to think about how I'm holding my face when I'm around people I don't know very well so they don't think I'm mad! It also makes it hard to take pictures in the "not smiling" pose, cause I just look ticked.

    Reply
  24. Colby & Jessica's Blog says:

    The most annoying thing ever is when people tell me to "Cheer up!" because they think I am in a bad mood. That drives me nuts! Glad to know I'm not alone, but I definitely can't go around smiling at everyone, that's just not me.

    Reply
  25. Christine says:

    Yup, happens to me all the time too. So frustrating sometimes! Feels good, though, to know that I'm not alone in this. Good post 🙂

    Reply

  26. As you know — of course, perhaps you don't — I have this same problem too. I was constantly being harassed by my teachers about it. My 3rd grade teach even pulled me aside and gave me a good talking-to about it that left me in tears afterwards. But it didn't do any good. I notice now sometimes how I think I'm smiling and then I look in the mirror and see that I'm not.

    Of course, people also complain that I mumble, which is just as much a part of me as my natural frowning. If I really worked at it I could probably overcome these habits, but that's like asking Dad to permanently quit chomping.

    Reply

  27. Get it all the time, “smile, it will be ok”. Which is very ironic, because I’m pretty laid back and stress free most of the time. I try to smile more to compensate, what else can you do.

    Reply

    1. The same with me all my life. After I had done a high school play, my mother asked me why I didn’t smile during the curtain call. She said I looked exasperated, but I really thought I was smiling. Recently a good friend said I gave someone “that face you make when you think you’re smiling.” He said it’s more of a pained look, for instance, when I thank a waiter for service. I really think I’m being kind, because I am a kind person, but my face doesn’t show it and it puts others off. However, when I’m talking to someone I like I talk with a silly grin, especially if it’s someone I really would like to like. They always say it is such a cute grin and should use it more often. I’ve caught it a mirror before and it indeed goofy. Standing in a club, people always asked if I was okay, why I was bored, or just thought I looked stuck-up. If I am in a good mood if I reply with something like “sorry, my face just doesn’t work right,” my silly grin still amuses them, but doesn’t always convince them. In a conversation my expression swings from a deep frown to that huge silly grin, with nothing between. So I second by second I look either manic or depressed. I’ve gotten better over the years. I tried sales for a while, but a constant smile is required. And I did TV news for a while and a supermarket checker said, “It wouldn’t hurt if you’d smile sometimes.” I checked the tapes and I grimaced when I thought I was smiling. I give up!

      Reply

  28. Oh, I forgot to add that I’m now living in Thailand “The Land of Smiles!” I’ve noticed that more people here have a frowning neutral expression, but when communicating to someone, a broad grin appears. So my expression seems to me understood more here.

    Reply

  29. Thanks for sharing your story. I too have this problem, it is hereditary, my dad’s side. People always used to ask me what is wrong in school. To make things worse my eyes water terribly in the am under florescent lights. On my first day working at a new job early in the morning my boss actually asked me if I was high! That was terribly embarrassing an defending yourself makes you look guilty so I just said, “no” tried not to be too insulted, and shrugged it off. My husband calls it my teacher face, lol. No I’m not a teacher. Anyway, I do try to make a conscience effort when I come in contact with people to smile. When I do this, and I smile too long they say, “what are you smiling at?” Or they say, “stop smiling” and laugh. I don’t know, it’s very frustrating sometimes. I’m glad I’m not the only one suffering.

    Reply

  30. I can totally relate to everybody who has posted. I share your frustration. I have been told my entire life to smile. I would constantly tell people that I’m not mad, but they just kept assuming I was. I would repeatedly tell people that I am not angry, it’s just my natural look. Lately, I have been trying to train myself to semi-smile while in public, so people won’t misinterpret my natural frown as a sign of being upset or angry.

    My problem is even exaggerated more when Im concentrating. When I’m thinking intently, I tend to squint and this makes the frown more pronounced. I’m totally sick and tired of people telling me I look serious all the time.

    Reply

  31. I have the same problem! Strangers accuse me of being snobby, intimidating, mad, sad, or scared. I have no idea what they are talking about, especially about me looking scared, and hate it when they tell me to smile. I have a natural “frowny” face, too. Even when I smile, I still get accused of being mad, scared, whatever. I have strangers constantly critique me and tell me what they think I should look like, or they project their insecurities onto me and ask me why I don’t like them or if they’re bothering me, etc. I usually just tell them that I’m tired or “That’s just how my face looks.” And to the ballerina that trained herself to always smile a little, you shouldn’t have to do that, and neither should people with “frowny” faces. This is my face, and if somebody doesn’t like it, then they can deal with it. I’m not going to condition myself to fit into whatever expectations rude strangers have of me. Sorry for the venting, but this has been going on since I was a child. For example, an umpire saw me sitting on the bleachers at a softball game and actually stopped paying attention to the game just to ask me if my best friend died. I couldn’t believe how rude he was!

    Reply
    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Sigh, I’m sorry! I feel your pain.

      Reply

  32. OMG this happens to me all the time, and I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog, I actually found it by googling “how not to frown”. Iit makes me feel I am not alone after reading you and all the people who commented. For me though, it’s terrible, as I work at a reception desk for a big office, so my neutral face when no one’s around will be like a frown, but without wanting it to be one, it’s just my relaxed face. Of course, someone will walk by and say “wow, you’re serious!” or “why so angry?” or “smile honey, smile, your smile is so beautiful!” … Arghh! and yes that is annoying, so I have started to try and make a “smiley” relaxed face but I lose it after a while. I don’t want to look “so serious” at all. I’ve been considering botox even… :/

    Reply

    1. you know, a lifestyle lift will fix that, i’m considering whether or not i can afford it…i would be happy if they just turned my frown into a permanent smile, that too would freak people out, because people actually believe that they can tell what someone’s thinking or what their mood is simply by their facial expression (people actually believe that) i don’t like that people think that they can judge my personality simply by the way i look, and so yeah, i just want the doctor to give me a big sarcastic smile..then people can trip over themselves trying to figure out what i’m always so darn happy about..

      Reply
      1. Jennifer Inman says:

        I hate being told to smile also. I was perfectly happy till someone tells me to smile. Makes me want to get angry then it makes me just think too much about my appearance.

        Reply

  33. I ran across this blog after googling “overcome natural frown.” Its a troublesom feature that has caused me tons of problems. I have had to tell my bosses, clients and employees that behind my relaxed face is a great big grin. That usually brings a laugh and some degree of understanding. The most problems come from people that I don’t have frequent contact with. Many of them get a bad impression from their obsvervations. My wife and children still ask me why I am so sad. I really know what everyone here is going through. At 70 years of age, one would think that I would have solved the problem. I haven’t. My advice is just “Grin and bear it.” 🙁 🙂 🙁

    Reply

  34. Thank you and back at you.

    Reply

  35. My face is naturally bored or something. When I don’t smile, I just look like I just want to jump off a cliff because I’m so bored. And when I smile, which I do a lot, people tell me I look like I’m stoned. Horrible.

    Reply

  36. I actually searched up facial problems on google to figure out what is wrong with me. People are always telling me that I look sad, angry,etc. My siblings don’t seem to have this problem just me. Just today I want to go see my math teacher.Just as I was walking in, one of the superintendent was walking in with me. She had something to tell my math teacher, she told me that I should go ahead and talk to my teacher because I have something serious to tell her. She was referring to my facial expression I bet. I mean why else would she say I had something serious to say. This is a constant problem I have in my everyday life. When I transferred to the high school I am attending, I was talking to this women who was helping me set up my schedule . I was just listening and she all of a sudden she stopped and told me, not to be angry at her, that she was only trying to help me. I was just listing and from my facial expression she thought I was angry with her. See how this can be a problem. Growing up I had to deal with people constantly asking me why I was sad? I can’t even put on a neutral face, because to others it would look like I was either sad or angry. This girl thought I hated her. Why would she think I hated her , when we never talked before. I have a college class with her, and I feel as though to this day she thinks I hate her for goof knows what reason. She asks different around me, and she used to tell people that I hated her and she didn’t know why. You can see how this becomes a problem. There was this time in science class. We were in the lab, in groups. So all of a sudden I see this group of girls staring, and talking about me. They probeley thought I looked miserable or what not. In every class I have been in, the teacher would always glance at me, and if the teacher was giving an opinion answer that teacher would look at me and say well it’s your choice i’m not saying this or that is the right wrong thing. It’s my facial expression that gave a sign that I somewhat disagree and I look angry. If I’m in a room with people I don’t know, someone is bound to say I look sad, or angry because I’m not tailing or what not. If I’m just being myself, people think I’m depressed or something. I can’t even close my mouth, I have to have it opened or other wise, I will look sad. This “natural frown” has significantly influenced my life. I can’t go anywhere and just be myself, I always have to small big, and look happy, to the outside world. I thank everyone for commenting, and most of all I thank you Hedi for sharing with us your story. You can’t believe how much helpful this is to me , to find out that I’m not along , and that other people are also faced with this problem. So thank you every one for giving their insight. Also if anyone has any advise, suggestions, don’t hesitate to replay. Thanks Hedi.

    Reply

  37. i’ve had a natural frown my entire life, and i’ve been treated horribly because of it…women will take to me at first, and then almost immediately they become like everyone else, thinking that i’m mad about something..i don’t know why people are so superficial…i’ve seen people like myself with a natural frown, and i’ve never felt compelled to avoid them or treat them differently because of it..it’s really a mystery to me why people are so freaked out by a natural frown…it’s as if people are thinking that i’m just always mad about something, as if i’d frown if i was..frowning is stupid, i wouldn’t frown even if i could…but people are very first impression..

    Reply

  38. you look nice though….it suits some people 4 me it looks like im about to burst out crying or im really angry find it hard 2 get work bcause of it no friends people avoid me…im only 24 but raising my brows alot wen younger i have aged quick no 1 else in my family has this issue….trying so fricking hard 2 find a job but i think jumping infront of a train or becoming a terrorist will b my only options if some1 dont hire me SOON.

    Reply

  39. omg!!! It feels good,but yet bad to know that i’m not alone in this ‘frown’ stuff,it drives me mad when someone says ”why do you like frowning always?”. I try to think of funny stuffs but how long will it last? I can’t just go around smiling when nothing is amusing,people might think i’m starting to lose it. I think i could use a ”how to keep your face normal” workshop or something.

    Reply

  40. Ha! How funny that SOOO many people found this and have solidarity with you. I’m yet another me too.
    Guess what – I randomly happened across information recently that in Korea there is a new trend surgery that turns up the corners of the mouth so you go around with a permanent slight smile in your relaxed state, the opposite of the perma frown. If you Google Korean permanent smile and look up images you can see before and after. There are also a lot of nay-sayers writing that they are turning into the “joker” smiles but really – it looks like most of the before and after are just correcting a permafrown. It probably costs too much but I’d guess it is a pretty minor surgery – and wouldn’t it be nice to let your face relax and not have everyone asking you to smile?

    Reply
    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      How weird and kinda freaky!

      Reply
    2. Jennifer Inman says:

      I wonder if that’s what happened to Courtney Cox. I thought her mouth looks a little jokerish these days.

      Reply

  41. omg thank you i thought it was just me all my life its been smile or whats wrong why u lookin so sad even my son asks are u mad at me .and photos if i try to smile i look drunk or stoned outta my head or really mad nice to know i am not alone

    Reply

  42. I, too, have the natural frown and don’t really wear lipstick because of it! Everyone says “Oh, that lipstick is just not your color” but I know it’s because every lipstick just looks bad on the frowny lips. Now that I’m in my forties, the frown is getting worse. You get tired, and your face sags, and there’s that frown and the droopy jowls to go with it. Woo hoo! Things to look forward to in old age. Thanks for your commisseration on a life-long problem. And yes, I too have received the comments: “Smile!!” Me: “How about YOU smile, and if I feel like it, maybe I’ll smile back!” Damn these frowny lips!

    Reply

  43. its kinda a relief to come across this. I just got told that I am usually serious…..not the first time, but I decided I had had enough. so I Googled how to change a frowny facial expression.

    Reply

  44. I’m actually one of those awful people who (used to) tell people to smile and always try to cheer them up. You have to understand that we don’t see it the way you do, we think that we are improving your lives slightly (even if we’re not). I’ve had to actively stop myself from always trying to fix everyone’s “mood”. Of course, I wouldn’t do it to a random stranger. But you have to understand it can be just as frustrating for us as it is for you, especially for people pleasers. I just thought I’d leave a little comment coming from the other end of the spectrum. We don’t necessarily think you’re unhappy, but we subconsciously feel like we can improve your disposition towards us specifically by making you smile. The same goes for dating, guys think that they can improve their chances with you if you do crack a smile when we tell you to, as though the guy is the one who made you smile. It sounds messed up maybe but it’s completely innocent, if a little misguided.

    Anyway, you have a knockout smile Heidi, I can see why everyone bugs you to smile more 🙂

    Reply

  45. The expression doesn’t look like a frown at all. A frown is when someone knits their brows, and you are not at all. To me your expression is just neutral. I submit that there is no problem whatsoever with your expression, but the problem, if you can call it that, lies wholly and solely in the eyes and expectations of the beholders

    Reply
  46. Quadraholic says:

    I would just say cheer up if I passed you

    Reply

  47. This is totally me ..the problem is also on when I’m at home ..my sister would ALWAYS ask me why I’m annoyed or sad ..or why I look angry when I’m watching my fav show 🙁 its so so annoying ..and the worst is that I have been told by my mother that I look (SAD) in photos ..I swear to god that I was super happy but I didnot want to show my teeth ?
    So since I was like 17 I learned to smile to strangers SO MUCH to the point that I sometimes think they might misunderstand me ..so many remarks from people in the past have cause and contributed to this smile that I have outside ..and sometimes its not fun really ..

    Still that photo thing is going on unless I smile really wide ..the funny thing is that soooo many ppl have told me that I look so good in photos and my face is photogenic or something but still my mom would assume I’m Unhappy XD LOL

    Reply

  48. I have this problem and I hate it so much because people make me feel self conscious. Especially when people tell me to smile. I think its really rude to make assumptions. That’s why I was never good in customer service or with people.

    Reply

  49. I for alll time emailed this web site post page to all myy friends,
    because if like to read it afterward my friends will too.

    Reply

  50. This is a topic that’s near to my heart…
    Take care! Where are your contact details though?

    Reply

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