Agency or Inspiration?

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I’ve missed you, pretty people.  But thanks to all you wonderful guest posters I am getting things done and catching up.  But today I want to write a quick post about something that has been on my mind today.

So for all of us Latter-day Saints this weekend was General Conference.  It’s a conference where all of the church leaders, including our prophet and the apostles, gather to give us their thoughts and counsel on spiritual matters. It’s a wonderful conference, most people watch it on TV or Internet.  It’s very inspirational and always gives us a lot of think about and decide where we can improve in our lives.

This is where the conference is held:  The Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah.  It’s huge! Source

Our prophet:  Thomas S. Monson (middle), 1st Counselor Henry B. Eyring (Left) and 2nd Counselor Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Right) Source

One noticeable theme of this conference was the topic of Marriage.  Several leaders spoke on how there are too many young people who put other priorities before marriage so they can focus on themselves or just have fun.   They counseled the single members to try and put more efforts into finding their eternal companion and the blessings that come from marriage.

In the LDS community, here is the standard protocol of dating:  You meet, you date, you don’t move in together or have sex, you just get to know each other.  Then after awhile, you start getting serious and  considering marriage.  But most LDS members pray about this decision, and this is where it gets very tricky.

Source

I had extreme anxiety about praying about whether or not to marry my husband.  The year earlier, I had dated someone who I really loved and hoped to marry.  But one day, pretty much out of the blue, he said, “It’s not right.”  And that was it.  I was heartbroken.  And after that, I felt like I had absolutely no control over who I married.  It seemed to me that you could be in a wonderful relationship where everything is going great, and then BAM!  “It’s not right.”  And it’s over.  What if that same thing happened when I prayed about marrying Aaron, who I loved so much?  I couldn’t deal with the heart break all over again.  

Aaron and I were getting serious, and the marriage questions was upon us.  I knew that I had to pray about it, but I was scared.  So one day, I read this talk given by a church leader Bruce R. McConkie, called “Agency or Inspiration?”     It was life-changing for me.

Basically he said that we come up with an idea, using the brain and good sense that God gave us, and we decide what we want to do.  Then we take that plan to God, in prayer, and tell Him all about our plan.  After that, He will decide if it’s a good plan or not.  If it’s a good plan, He will help you to feel that it’s right.  If He doesn’t agree with your plan, you will not get that assurance.  And sometimes it can take some time or not come in the way you were expecting.  (He says it much better, believe me.)

My own experience is too special for me to share here, but my main point is this:  I learned that yes, I have a choice.  You don’t need to feel like God controls everything.  Sometimes He wants you to do things that you don’t want to do, which requires faith to give up your own will for His.  But make sure with all decisions that you are not hiding your own insecurities and anxieties behind the spiritual cop-out ‘It’s Not Right.”  I didn’t learn that overnight, I had to read that talk several times, say a bunch of prayers, and suffer through several more months of my horrible anxieties.

But I chose Aaron, God said “Good choice Heidi!” and here I am today, married to the most wonderful person for almost 5 years.  Best decision I ever made.