Welcome to Holland
I just had a precious new niece born to my family the other day. She is just so beautiful. However, she was born with Down Syndrome. This was quite a shock to our family because there are no other family members with Down Syndrome and there were no signs leading up to her birth that she would be disabled. I’m sure that my brother, sister-in-law, and their family are still riding a roller coaster of emotions dealing with this new change.
I would love to hear any comments or stories from any of you who have been in a similar situation.
In the meantime, I love this poem…
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
Of course my niece will be so loved by all of us in spite of her disability.
Grab your tissues and check out this birth story on a blog I read.
http://www.kellehampton.com/p/nellas-birth-story.html
My niece was born with Down’s Syndrome. It was a really traumatic time, because she was also over a month premature. Within a few days of her birth she needed surgery and everyone in the family was praying for her. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law deal with a lot of issues with my niece, but she is the sweetest seven year old you would ever meet. Definitely have your family check into help groups for Down’s.
Hi Kelly,
I just found out 5 hrs ago that my daughter will give birth to my first granddaughter and her first child who will have Down Syndrome. We hung on to one another and cried but I too was given that poem by a co-worker. I believe that God instilled this very special baby to a very special couple. Together as a family we all will love, support and cherish this new life. She also will have surgery after birth as she has Duodenal Atresia. And Echo Cardiogram is also being done next week on her heart. We still have an uphill battle.. but a tiny little baby is the one who has to endure all the pain and recovery. I’m all over the internet to find any information available.. we meet with little Emma’s surgeon tomorrow.
I’m sorry, it is always hard to deal with these situations at first. But my brother has found such strong support in the DS community and their daughter is such an angel. Her development is very slow, it’s like they have a baby for the first five years of their life. But you learn patience and their unconditional love is just the most amazing thing. Best wishes to you and your daughter.
Kellee Hampton had the same experience with her daughter a year ago. You should check out her blog:
http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html
i was also going to suggest kelley hampton’s blog. wonderful blog.
I was going to suggest Kelle’s site too. So moving and so full of hope.
the first thing i would suggest is to stop using disabled. so much is depended on your attitude, there is so much that she will be able to do and have. my sister is 17, has Downs, has an active social life, is so happy, able to do so many things! she was voted prom queen at her high school this spring, everyone just loves her so much, she is a great example of how to be happy all the time.
Just over eight years ago, my niece was also born with Down Syndrome. It was definitely a roller coaster of emotions for her parents, and still is at times. They especially went through a grieving process, grieving the loss of many hopes and dreams for their little girl. My sister-in-law says she prays every day that she can get through the day. It’s that hard.
But, she has also mentioned the sweetness.
I remember holding my niece when she was just a few weeks old and feeling her VERY powerful spirit. As she has grown, my heart has grown not only for her, but for others with similar disabilities. Where I would normally be fearful or confused about how to communicate, I have felt only love and pride for them for taking on this difficulty, and for living life to the fullest they can. She is happy. She is confident. She is a role model.
Yes, she is technically disabled. Oh, but her spirit is strong.
We have a good friend that just experienced that in February. They had no idea until the twins were born and one of them has Downs. It happens more than you think. Sending hugs and hope that the baby is well.
Congratulations on the birth of your niece! Physical or mental disabilities can be devastatingly painful for families to deal with, but they can bring extraordinary blessings and gifts as well–sometimes bringing people much closer to each other, God, and what is really important in life. People with Down’s Syndrome, especially, have no guile, and–I feel–are closer to God’s ear than the rest of us. I have always found the Welcome to Holland poem inspirational (although I know some parents of children with disabilities dislike it). It is a challenging road, that’s for sure, but it can also bring good things as well.
My brother-in-law has down syndrome and it came as a shock to my in-laws 29 years ago when he was born. It is not the easiest journey, but children with down syndrome are such a gift from God. He has been such a blessing. I also feel like it truly benefits the siblings. Brad, better known as “Elvis” is so goofy and silly and brings so much joy to everyone he meets. Times will be hard, but the good will outweigh the hard times. Praying for your brother and sister-in-law.
Your title caught my eye right away in my news reader..I am living in Holland now and have been for four years now but I actually love it!!! I have a sweet little girl that is four now and yes she has down syndrome but that does not define who she is….She has brought so much joy to our family…she is such a blessing we all love her to pieces..i wouldnt want it any other way..Yes at first it is a roller coaster of emotions and that is normal and OK!!!! I was also going to recommend going to Kelle’s site..her brith story is awesome..grab some tissues!!!;) I have a little blog that i blog about that you are more then welcome to pass on to your family…www.kristiwest.blogspot.com… Feel free to pass on my email to your brother and his wife if they would like to email me or ask anything..i would love to help them in any way…God has blessed them with such a special little girl!!! Hope to see some pictures soon!!!
Kelly’s website is wonderful you should also check out http://www.notaperfectmomsblog.com She is also very inspirational in her attitude towards DS. Good luck and lots of prayers sent your way.
I was totally coming here to share the link to Kellee Hampton’s blog too!! You should send your brother and sister in law there…her blog is incredible!!
I love that Holland poem too…its so applicable to many trials in life. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
Hi,
My good friend just told me to look at this blog, as I have a very similar experience. We have 2 little boys, our first Kaid (8) now, was born with Down Syndrome. I was in my early 20’s and had a extremely healthy pregnancy, not one sign that I was going to be having a child with these abilities. You see, The reason why I say Abilities, because kaid is SO without having a Disability, he can do the same things everyone else can, and then some..The same wanting to be loved, and same spunky attitude that another 8 year old child would have.
In the hospital when we had kaid, looking back at the video’s YES, I can totally see ( now having more children.) that there was a difference with his ability to thrive/the overall look. However NOt ONE nurse, doctor said anything to me, it took close to 2 months, going to a Well baby check. I remember that day So vividly, I dressed kaid up all cute, just like a new mom does, when the chance to get out of the house.. Walked in to the office, talking him out of the car seat and having a feeling that I was So completely blessed, beyond belief. When his pediatrician came in( Totally not the one he has now..) he looked at him, for a bout 2 sec, then scratched numbers for the cardiologist. When I asked what this was for, that is when I heard the worlds come crash around me. Your child has Down Syndrome. WHAT?? I was beyond mad.. This was the same doctor seeing him in the hospital.. why not tell me there?? wait x amount of days.. That was all irrelevant actually, but at that point my/our life changed DRAMATICALLY in a huge way.. For the BEST! kaid is a amazing special, gifted boy that I would seriously do all over again.. When my friend told me there was a blog she reads, and maybe I can say something of hope.. I really wanted to.
Your brother, and Sister-inlaw are going though so many emotions.. Our family has Zero family history of anything with disabilities, so we all learned so much. The ride is one of Joy, and not going to lie, it’s also one of extreme Patience. I know there is a reason for everything, kaid was meant for us, he has taught me more in his short little life then I could have ever taught him. please feel free to look at us, and my blog.. it’s not been updated for some time.. and frankly I don’t put that much time ( nursing school..)
Sending blessing to you and your family 🙂 It’s a Bliessing! It does not seem like that.. I totally know!!
Andrea 🙂
Congrads on having a new niece. I was a Special Education teacher before I had kids. I LOVE people with Down’s. While they tend to have a little bit of a stubborn streak, they are the sweetest, kindest, most loving and very often, some of the funniest people I know. The ride may be a little different than what they expected, but it will be wonderful. There will probably have some roller coaster moments ahead, but who doesn’t have those with any child?
My daughter (8 yrs) has Down Syndrome. Her name is Madison. I also read the Holland Poem when she was born & still love it to this day. She is my only child. I didn’t know till she was born that she had DS. It wouldn’t have mattered had I known. She is AMAZING & we are madly in love with her! We put no limits on her & expect her to do everything her peers do…it may just take her longer to learn them. And that’s ok. And even if she doesn’t, that’s ok too. She is reading on a 1st grade level.
Two things that are important…have your brother contact Early Intervention. Google it for your County &/or state. It is a free service that provides different therapies (speech, physical therapy & occupational therapy). My daughter has been in therapy since 6 weeks old. They will come to your brothers house for the therapy. Then when she starts school therapy will be done there. It is wonderful, alot of work but well worth it all. Madison is doing so well. Second, join a support group! We belong to a support group & it is so encouraging to get together with other parents who have children with DS. A wealth of information can be obtained. I could go on & on but will stop here. Please feel free to contact me via email. I’m more then happy to talk or answer any questions you have.
You may not realize it but you are so blesses to have this baby girl in your life! Congrats to you & your entire family.
Oh, one more thing. Google “Buddy Walk” for your area. It is an annual walk that raises money for Down Syndrome. A wonderful time!
I was also going to send you to Kelle’s blog, it is lovely to see that it has helped so many people. I wish your family the best of luck on their journey.