A Note to Mothers
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Whew! I am overwhelmed by the response I got from you on this post. By far the most common response was about how three years old is just a HARD HARD age. I laughed when I read how one of you said, “Seriously, three year olds are just evil!” But that empathy from all of you was like a giant hug, so refreshing. I came up thinking, “Maybe he’s not SO bad.”
And then today happened.
And I re-thought that last thought.
Last night 12:00 am: I am lying in bed, waiting for sleep to come. Suddenly and very strangely, I am overcome by extreme nausea and heartburn. I sit up and realize in about one minute I will be puking. I run to the bathroom and out it comes. It was really, really horrible. Mostly because most of my food has been digested by then and so the vomit was like 80% pure stomach acid. Which physically destroyed my throat.
I couldn’t fall asleep for hours after that, since the pain in the back of my throat was so intense. I still felt like there was something back there and every time I swallowed it was extreme pain all the way down. At 2 am, I took an antacid and some Tylenol and went to sleep on the recliner in the living room (so I could be sitting up somewhat.) I don’t know when I finally fell asleep, but I was awoken at 6 am by Will opening and closing his bedroom door (but not coming out for some reason) and Lucas crying.
I got Luke up and went to bed in my room. We frequently do this, since MOST of the time they can play harmlessly by themselves in the living room (which is like a few feet away from my bedroom.) An hour or so later, I woke up to Luke bawling, so I come out and see him completely drenched (like sopping wet) with Rice Crispies in his hair. And Will was at the sink filling up a cup of water. He’d decided it would be fun to pour cups of water over poor Lukey. And that was apparently after sprinkling Rice Crispies (which are on TOP of the fridge) all over the kitchen, dining room, and living room.
Here’s where we can all utter one collective *SIGH*. I am so past the point of exhaustion that I just stare at him, mind blank. What can I do? I can’t even muster the energy to yell or even get angry. So what did I do? I made him clean the living room and told him that since he made a bad choice, I had to take away his Froggy. You all know how attached he is to that ratty old thing. And then I got to spend the entire morning listening to him cry and wander around the house muttering “Froggy! Froggy!” as if he was an old man with dementia calling out his dead wife’s name. It was punishment for both of us.
Maybe I should have told him this instead:
So yes, another terrible day, another point for three-year-olds everywhere. But rest assured, mommys, we are not alone in our battle.But it’s good…actually GREAT–to know that so many of you can feel my pain. It gives me strength and courage to take on each day knowing that even though at some point I WILL feel like a failure of a mother, I’m not alone.
Motherhood is. So. Dang. Hard.
Period.
And I’d love to end this post by saying …but it’s so worth it! But right now those ‘worth it’ moments are far and few between. The only solace I have is knowing that I truly love my child enough to die rather than let someone hurt him and even at our hardest moments I could never wish him harm.
Because a mother’s love is overpowering and really surprises me at how strong it really is. And I thank God every single day for my beautiful and healthy children and can only pray to Him for the strength to continue caring for them.
Also thank goodness for nap time.
The end.
(All images minus the one of me are from my Pinterest boards. Click on the image to be taken to Pinterest.)
Oh the stories I could tell you about my oldest when he was 2 1/2 to 4. The messes he made, and tricks he pulled are countless. He was the kid that if you let his hand go..he would take off running as fast as he could run and not look back! Bedtime was an absolute nightmare, it take me 2+ hours to put him to bed. At one point I was locking him in his room… hard hard times. I was at a loss for what to do. I tried EVERYTHING and nothing seemed to work on him. Then somewhere between 4 and 5 he turned into an angel child and still is. He has his moments, but he’s a good kid. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was hard! So I know what you are going through…been there done that. And I have 2 year old who will be 3 at the end of December and he’s already started with the terribleness lol. Just hang in there, it gets better I promise! You are right you LOVE your children so much, even if at times you may not like what they do haha. You still love them and would do anything for them.
oh man. I hear ya, and yet your post reminds me why I’m scared to have another. one on a rough day is quite enough. She had me up every hour last night – no idea why.. . usually she sleeps from 7pm-6am (14months old now). and then whined at me and tugged at me ALL day long! I look forward to when she sleeps so I can pee by myself. (never thought I’d write that as the highlight of my day haha). but she’s awesome and worth it. When she can tell I’m getting tired she comes up to me and gives me a kiss right on the lips and a big hug. so cute!
Oh Heidi, I am in somewhat of the same boat. My oldest is 3 and we are definitely struggling right now with making right decisions and being kind and all of that. I think you did the right thing by taking away froggy. My husband and I have been struggling with finding the right punishment. We normally put him in time out but it has not been working and me yelling doesn’t help. We just started taking away toys (seriously feels like I am putting his toys in time out) but so far that seems to be all that I can think of doing. I think he has been understanding better but it is SO HARD. I thought I was the only one, it gives me a little piece to know that others are dealing with the same things. Lately my newest saying is “who came up with terrible two’s? It’s terrible three’s” At least in my house it is, age 2 was cake for me…. 3, not so much. I have been praying for myself to know what to do as a mom and to know how to handle things, I will include you in my prayer tonight =). They are definitely worth it!
3 year olds are absolutely awful. That’s just how it is. It was the worst age for my son and it’s becoming the worst for my daughter. It’s all about pushing limits. It’s even worse if they are a fire sign-Aries, Leo or Sagittarius. They are just naturally more agressive.
This too shall pass. At three, kids are finding their independence. That whole figuring out cause and effect and trying new things will pay off, I promise. With any luck, soon you’ll have a preschooler who can make his own sandwich and get dressed and clean his room and help with chores, etc. You should read “The Strong-Willed Child” if you haven’t already. Great stuff of discipline.
OMG – I am dreading when my oldest (2.5) turns 3. Everybody tells me it’s worse. But I dare ask, where is your husband???
Not sure what you mean…my husband is around as much as he can be and definitely helps me out a ton. I thank God for him every day and don’t know how I could do it without him!
I think we’ve well established 3 year olds are hard. The thing is they are explorers and what may seem mischievous and deliberate is just them seeing what they can do or what something does. I’m sure your son just loves water and wanted to see what would happen. I hope this helps. Also a little advice, never ever give your child a punishment or consequence that punishes you. Sorry, you made things worse by taking away his Froggy. Having him clean up the mess was enough. Try focusing his energy through projects like coloring, playing w/ paper or allowing him to dump stuff out(kids love that). Then have him help clean up. It may also help if you start giving him more responsibility, have him do any chore you feel comfortable w/ him doing. My kids put their dishes in the sink, help me sweep, pick up toys and my friend’s daughter vacuums. Honestly, my kids(I have a 3 yr old daughter and 2 yr old son-I feel your pain) behave so much better on days I do this. On days I don’t are like the day you just described. Only worse. B/c my son spreads his poop.all.over. So, I hope this helps. Good luck, you’re doing great!
I feel your pain. My three year old is going to be the death of me. She can be so sweet and lovely. But 75% of the time I just don’t know what to do with her. She is afraid of nothing. I feel like she finds great pleasure in my misery. My five year old never had these issues so it is very stressful. I pray she gets it all out of her system before kindergarten. :o) Here’s to hoping for the best!
Oh reading this feels like Im reading about MY life! OK…we haven’t had an issue as big as the Rice Crispies…but I swear there has been such a big difference in my daughter since she turned 3 back in March! Add that on top of being 33 weeks pregnant and it just seems to take my impatience to the next level! I told my husband the other night that I love our daughter SO much…Im just finding it hard to ENJOY her right now. I feel like I try everything most days. I turn off television, put away the computer and give her all the one on one time she could ever want and she STILL acts out. I get frustrated too because she is SO good for everyone else like my parents and her teachers at church…so she just acts out with me! I know she is sensing that a big change is coming with us getting ready to have this baby so all I know how to do it love on her and force myself to watch my attitude…although that doesn’t always work! Ha! Then she goes in her room for 10 minutes so I can have a good cry:)
I know you are doing the best you can…especially while getting ready for the new little one to arrive! And yes…thank God for husband’s that help:)
Oh Melissa…I know how hard it is to be hugely pregnant and have to deal! You have like zero patience (at least I do) and every morning and night I have to evaluate MY behavior and reactions towards my children’s naughtiness. I know life with 3 kids will be insane but it will make a HUGE difference to me to not be pregnant. I didn’t know you were 33 wks! I am 32- right behind ya!