Forum Friday: Where would you be if you’d taken another path?
I recently found out that a REALLY popular blog is written by a girl I used to work with. We shared the same cube. (She was a terrible conversationalist, by the way. Always talked right through my comments.) Anyway–I have to admit…I was shaken up, even a bit jealous. I kept thinking how much work I put into my blog…why couldn’t I be a smash success too? Then I thought about all the things I wish I did have…better photographs, better lighting in my house, better house.
She is pregnant now with her first baby, but had been married the same length of time as me, which is six years. It made me wonder what my life would be like if I had waited to have kids. What would I have done with my life? Knowing myself, I think this is what would have happened:
I would have graduated college and moved to AZ with my husband. But instead of being a stay at home mom, I would have searched for a job in my field, advertising. Blech. I would have settled for something and inevitably disliked it. I probably would have loathed my boss and/or coworkers and found my work ungratifying.
Then I would have come home every night and crashed on the couch, watching TV and Facebooking all night. (Okay so nighttime isn’t all that different now.) And I would have thought about having a baby. Because let’s face it…I’ve kind of been a baby maker for the last four years.
The point is that I doubt I would have rediscovered my creativity. At least to the point where I am today. I don’t think I would have had the idea to just stay at home without a job and try and make it as a blogger. Or a handmade business owner.
But when I really think about it, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Because of my choices I now have a profitable blog and handmade business. I have made lots of AMAZING friends through blogging. And I love connecting with the wonderful readers of my blog. Because without you, this blog would be dumb (yeah, I know, it’s still a little dumb sometimes. Hey, not every post is a winner.) And of course I have three gorgeous and smart children who I love to pieces. And I don’t have to work for an annoying boss or call in sick.
Where would you be if you’d taken another path? Do you ever think about that?
I definetly think about that from time to time. I am a young (30) mother of 6. I often times think what my life would have been like if I would have chosen to go to college and become a doctor instead of getting married and becoming a mom. It doesn’t take long for me to realize that I prefer the paththat I am on. Imagining my life without any one of my children is a thought path that I don’t even like to go down. They each mean so much to me. I learn something from each of them daily and most of all have learned that the love of and for a child is not something that you could ever learn in college.
Thanks for your comment Camille. It’s such a good reminder to me that of course I couldn’t be happy in an alternative life if I had to live without the kids I have now (you, if I KNEW about them like my life was a Lifetime movie or something.)
Heidi,
Just so you know, I am jealous of you. I guess the grass is always greener. I have thought about other paths, and honestly, I wish I would have never gone to work full-time. When I finished my associates degree, I came back to Utah, where my boyfriend was, and got a job. Got engaged and got married and bought a house and now we need my full-time income. I know the feeling of being jealous of other people for sure. I have a friend from high school (I won’t name names) that quit when she had her firts baby and now has a very successful photography business. I have a struggling wedding flower business and I don’t understand what makes her so successful. I wish we didn’t depend on my income so I could quit my job and focus on flowers full-time… I wish I would have just gone to school and worked a part-time job and put every penny in the bank so when we had a baby I could stay home, but like I said. The grass is always greener. Sorry for my rambling comments. I love your blog and it is fun to know someone that does this for a living.
Ha Tisha! You shouldn’t be jealous of me, haha! That’s awesome that you are doing flowers–I started a small floral business when I was in Utah, for about a year. I did a lot of work for free at first because I didn’t have as much experience as you. I would love to help you out though–to build your business! You can shoot me an email any time. I’m moving to Utah in June!
i do often think of what my life would have been like… but in the opposite way. i have a double degree in engineering and art and am a professional engineer with a great job, a husband, a house, a car, and a cat. i waited to have children until i felt i was ready (i was 27 years old… it’s not like i waited until i was 40) and 3 years later we’re still trying to have a child. part of me feels guilty for getting stuff done that i wanted to do instead of having a family sooner, but i also wonder if i would have been happy with my life if i didn’t do the things that i wanted to do for me.
And props to any woman who is an Engineer! It’s such a math heavy field, you must be a smart duck (with a strong left and right brain!) Husband is an Engineer too and I know how much work it is. So sad that babies aren’t coming when you want them. That is such a hard thing…
Engineering AND art–that’s awesome! I hope that you can get the baby you want!
Oh Heidi! How can you not tell us who it is!! I’m just dying of curiosity. DYING! You should email me. LOL is that awful. Email me! What if I know her too?!
Any how- I’m with you. Got married at 20 with 3 kids by 26 – Hello Motherhood. I love it though. I have a college degree, I worked until the second was 6 months old from home. I feel like I’ve allowed myself a lot of experiences that rounded me without choosing to wait on kids. I hope my kids do the same. I’m glad that I am where I am, but also where I’ve come from. I’m so proud of my degree even if I don’t use it, and the fact that I managed an apartment complex for 3 years! Oh my heart, it was so much work. There’s a lot more to me than just being a mom, even though that is who I really am and what I do all the time.
Hmm, I don’t think you know her although she did live at Union Square I think. It’s good to hear everyone’s comments because it only makes me more grateful for the path I took in my life!
I think we all wonder what things would have been if different choices had been made. I definitely appreciated the six years of marriage before having Olive because we traveled a lot, but I’m far happier being home to take care of my family now than any career ever would have made me. Do I miss banking? Yeah right. Like you, I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to have time to let the creative side take over!
I can’t even imagine you as a banker! You seem born to do what you do!
A new friend and I were just talking about this the other night. I was encouraging her to live it up and enjoy her life right now as a single woman. I told her I’ve never lived on my own, traveled anywhere, or done anything crazy like move away from everyone i know. As I was talking I started feeling sorry for myself and her simple reply hit me like a ton of bricks.. “Yea but you have a husband and 3 kids to go home to.” I wish I had lived more before getting married and having children, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.
That’s so true! There was someone who I used to be jealous of because she seemed to have everything given to her on a platter. But now she has her own set of issues that are much harder and I’m glad I don’t have them. Everyone has their own set of trials so it makes me grateful for my blessings!!
I frequently think about what would have happened if my life were different. I can’t remember when I didn’t want to be a nurse, long before we even had to think about such decisions. Its very difficult to imagine. In a life of service, I have learned so much from being allowed to be part of a family’s life during such a difficult time. In Hospice you get back as much as you give. Like many moms above, I can’t imagine my life without my children and yet I wasn’t one of those teens dying to get married and have a family. I just learned it could be so much happier than what I had lived through and boy they are my best “creations” yet! One aspect of my life could possibly be very different if my life were different. Nobody knows…being diagnosed with lupus and being so ill for six years could very well have something to do with my choices in life. I would like to think I did not have an influence on my health to this degree. It has changed everything for every member of my family. The worry is endless, the sorrow supreme. All this time home alone has allowed me to take care of myself better than before and to be creative. I have become a scrapbooker, cardmaker, quilter, sewist. Although I will forever miss my work, I get to take better care of my family every single day.